I Won The Lottery!

No, I really did NOT win the lottery.  I do, as so many people, wonder about what I would do with the money if I did actually win the lottery.  I have heard that your chance of being struck by lightning are far greater than winning!  The first thing I would do (if I ever bought a lottery ticket, and won,) would be to hire a lawyer!  Then I would see how fast I could rid myself of that money, as I happen to have a phobia about money.  I believe it is called Plutophobia, fear of wealth! Rightly so, as no one ever kidnaps children of poor families, and when you are not wealthy you can be sure your friends are not just after your money.

A million dollars does not go as far now, as when I was a kid.  A good size winning, would have to be anywhere from 100 to 150 million. Naturally, I think I would be sure that my family would receive some of it, but not enough to ruin them.  (Or cause someone to consider kidnapping their youngsters!)

Then I would set up very generous annuities for my School system for my City to use!

Then I would have a big time giving it away, anonymously!  I would be on the lookout for people in need and donate to them, in an amount that would get them back on their feet. (I think I would want to hire investigators to see how these gifts were handled.  I just have that kind of curiosity! Like the people who bring a gift, ring the doorbell and then hide, so they could watch the reaction of the person receiving the gift!) I have a feeling that some people would take care of their problems and never get back into financial trouble again. But I think there might be some who would not learn from their past, and would soon be in the same situation. I doubt I would help them a second time. That would be like putting the money down a rat hole. And I do believe there would be a better use for it. Some people you just can not help!

I like the idea of giving scholarships.  I would probably do a lot of that sort of thing.  Perhaps set up large annuities just for that purpose.  Fun to think about.  As I said, I would have to hire a lawyer first, because I am not sure about the legality of some of my ideas!  Perhaps one could not legally give a School system or a City a large annuity with strings attached.  Certainly, I would want some restrictions as I surely would want to avoid the possibility of greed allowing people in charge of the funds to use them unwisely or taking possession of sums for their private use!

Lots of ideas roam around in my head.  But while I am on the subject of “Lotteries”, I have begun to wonder about the Texas Lottery.  Recently one of the Dallas News broadcasts, aired a list of school districts, in Dallas and the surrounding area, that are deeply in debt, amounting to many millions, and the inevitability of cutting back on teachers, and other personnel, some pay cuts and enlarging the number of students in a classroom.

I scratched my head and thought about this.  It seemed to me that I recall when the “Texas Lottery” was going to benefit our schools. You know what I think?  If instead of purchasing those tickets, everyone would just donate that much money directly to their schools we would all benefit from that. People are funny!  They would balk at raising school taxes, but give no thought to the amount of money they waste each year on things like the lottery!  Just a thought!

When our schools are in trouble, we are all in trouble. 

Hold on a minute!

I had one devil of a time last week trying to get in touch with my electric company. When I called customer service I received the computer service!………..You just can NOT talk to a person any more!  First, after going through the menu of numbers to press for each category, I found that none of the categories covered what I wanted to inquire about.  So I punched one, hoping for a person.  Got another recording and given another menu.  Again, none fit my needs, so I punched another number and was told that I would be put on hold for, the computer voice said, “ 37 seconds” and that sounded good enough to me.  I really thought I was getting somewhere.  Computer voice broke into the elevator music that was annoying me and said that my call was 2nd in line and that, I would be on hold for 56 seconds……..I am loosing ground here.  But, I waited, and the third time the computer informed me that I would have to hold only 37 seconds, I blew up.  I also hung up.


I spent more time on the Internet trying to get to a site that could handle my problem………No luck there either. (Did, however, find a site that listed a myriad of complaints against the company! That was interesting reading.)

Day 2. So, I started all over and pretty much the same thing happened when I called the Customer Service number.  I finally pressed 0, and the computer voice came back on the line and asked me to hold while a representative could come on the line.  Wow, I thought, finally going to talk to a real person.  WRONG!  The phone for the rep. rang one time and then silence.  I waited, nothing happened!  I waited some more, then pressed 0 again.  Well of course that was useless.  I got a dial tone!  Tried the whole routine again later and got the same result.

I decided I would try to find a number in the Phone book and see if I could get somewhere that way!  I called the 800 number that was listed and the operator told me that that number had been changed!  It is the same number that is printed on my statement, so I did not know what to do next.  Decided to write a letter to the address of the Company located in Dallas.  Snail Mail!  But perhaps that old fashioned method would get some results. However, by this time I had forgotten what it was I needed to talk to them about.  But, I do have an envelope addressed to the company, in case I remember what was so urgent a question I had wanted to put to them, earlier.

Funny Thing About Humor!

Practical jokes are humorous to some people!

I remember when, on the 4th of July in my home town, it was a custom for the men to grow a beard, and there was a contest for the best beard. One fellow had grown a beautiful red beard and some of his “friends” caught him sound asleep and shaved one side of the beard and mustache off! You know they thought that was very funny.

Also knew of a fellow who planted turnip seeds in his friends newly seeded lawn. Pretty funny, huh? Probably not, if you are on the receiving end of that kind of humor!

I don’t like ethnic jokes! Remember when (or maybe you don’t) little moron jokes were all the rage, and then they became Polish jokes. I am not fond of jokes that belittle someone.

I get my biggest laughs, sometimes, from the news. For instance, one day it was reported that a boat on the river was overturned when all the passengers rushed to one side to view a nude beach! I thought that was pretty funny. I still get a laugh out of that when I think about it.

Or the time when we read in the paper about a man who had been found, in bed, dead, with 5 bullet holes! (That is not the funny part!) A week later there was a follow up to the story. It had been ruled a “suicide“! Wow, I have heard of some really bad shots before! But nothing like this!

Some cartoons are very funny. My daughter loves the cartoon showing a snail riding on the back of a turtle yelling “Wheeeee!” And recently I saw one called the first “Senior Moment!” Two dinosaurs sitting on a small island, Noah’s Ark was sailing off in the distance and one of the dinosaurs said “Oh Darn, was that today?”

Naturally you can not talk about humor without thinking of some very funny commercials! Right now, my favorite is the rattlesnake with a baby’s rattle attached to it’s tail. He approaches a rabbit, and when the rabbit catches sight of the rattle he falls over laughing! The Rattler with a look of embarrassment slowly retreats and hides his face. I have seen that so many times and still laugh at it.

I love what I call “O Henry’ type jokes. Typical one is about the timid soul who had gone Lion Hunting for the first time. He was telling a fellow hunter about it and the conversation went like this: “I was walking along in the jungle and it was getting dark, suddenly a lion jumped up in front of me and went ‘ROAR’. You know what? I just messed my britches!” His friend patted him on the shoulder and said he should not feel too bad. “That was a very scary moment and I am sure others were affected the same way.” The timid soul said, “No, I mean just now, when I went “ROAR”!

Now, with the Internet, I receive a lot of fwds. from my cousins in California and from friends. Usually very funny stuff. This week I got a list of interest to the elder citizens! This one I decided was the funniest of all. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

Hair Today, and Gone Tomorrow!

Fads come and go and normally I don’t mind, knowing they usually don’t last long. I remember some fads from my youth. Modes of the day, a style or fashion that is perhaps one generation’s rebellion against a tiresome tradition of the previous generation, or just the desire for something new! In fashions, it is a must, for it generates a whole new spending spree and is necessary to keep the clothing business flourishing! Some style changes, though, can damage an industry. Remember when, during the Kennedy years, men stopped wearing hats? That really did put a lot of hat manufacturers out of business. 

 

And of course, getting to the point of today’s Blog, hair! The changes that took place in the Barbershop business when men (boys) stopped getting haircuts. Oh I well remember the uproar by many parents and even most schools, when boys began to let their hair grow long.  I, for one, did not think that it was worth worrying about, and I thought it was nice to be rid of the “flat top” and peeled onion look that had been a popular earlier for youngsters.

 

Now to my point:  I have nothing against facial hair on men! In fact, my husband had a beard. It was a beautiful white one, and he kept it neatly trimmed except when he let it grow out a bit in order to play “Santa Claus” for the children of friends and relatives at Christmas. I have always loved to see men wearing a beard. Even like the “Fu Manchu” or “La Souvarov” or “Van Dyke” on some men! 

 

Currently, though, I am more than a little put off by what is going on with men regarding facial hair! I am referring to the quarter-inch growth that a good many men consider to be good looking. This is one fad that I will happily see go by the wayside! To me, it simply looks like they were too lazy to shave! It looks careless, and inconsiderate of the people they are in contact with daily!

 

In my way of thinking, “If you are going to grow a beard, for heavens sake, grow a BEARD!”

Otherwise, to me, the style ranks right up there with not brushing your teeth! Or wearing dirty clothes!

“One for the Road”

I was chosen for jury duty once, regarding a man who was fighting his 5th DUI charge, and his lawyer got his case thrown out on a technicality. I wanted to jump up and ask him how his lawyer was going to deal with his murder charge after he "kills" someone while driving drunk! 

 

I think it is possible that most people who drink have probably driven while drunk, or “tipsy”!

I have been a passenger, several times, when the driver had “had a few too many“ and fortunately we did not have an accident! And we were not even stopped by a patrolman. I dare say, most of the people I know, have been in a similar situation sometime in their life. 

 

However, we are all very aware that rarely a week goes by without the news reporting of one or more deaths on our highways and drinking was involved. (“That only happens to other people!”) Right? Seems we never consider it could happen to us. Never consider reputations, or jobs, or worst case, lives could be lost!

I really do believe the reason we do not punish DUI more severely is because……….

Drunk driving is so much more socially acceptable than getting drunk and waving a loaded gun around and firing it at random!

RANDOM THOUGHTS AND A GRIPE OR TWO!

# 1

I won’t mention the brand of men’s underwear, but you all know it very well! Kudos go to them, as they came up with the idea of printing their label on the fabric, rather than using scratchy sewn in labels. Not having ever worn men’s undergarments, I can not say whether or not theirs were scratchy, however the fact is, most labels are sewn into the neck of garments. They are really a bane to most everyone. I have always hated them and usually cut the labels out, thereby losing information regarding laundering instructions, and what country of origin. (Which is another gripe altogether!) If they cannot print the label onto the garment, I have thought perhaps relocating the tags, into the inside of pockets. (Another gripe to be dealt with later!) Or to a side seam or hem, still available but not such a nuisance! Simple solution!

#2

Country of origin! …….. I did not notice, for some time, that almost everything I buy is “imported”. There was a time when the purchase of an imported something-or-other, had a certain amount of prestige and you did not care if the label scratched. It was enviable to have it and to show it off. I regret to say that now it is virtually  impossible to buy anything “Made In the U.S.A.,” much to my chagrin! I know! I know! There are so many reasons for this state of affairs, ranging from greed to politics, but still, I get a small thrill when I buy something that boasts of the fact that it was made here in America!

#3

Pockets! ……Now that everyone from first-graders to Great-Grandparents, have “cell phones“, it seems that all garments should have pockets. Also I quit carrying a purse when I go shopping, as I see no need in lugging one around when all I need is a credit card and identification, and of course, my cell phone, which would all fit into a small pocket! (On the news a while back they told of a woman whose purse had been stolen while she was shopping, and it held several gold coins she was carrying around, can you believe that?) Nowadays, women carry purses worth several hundred dollars, so the purse itself would be a worthwhile target for a purse-snatcher! Please, I beg you………..give me a pocket! I also would like all my dresses to button up the front, but that is another story!

#4 Random thought……….Interesting to note that a book you read as a child, is so much more enjoyable, and understandable, when read later in life. Ergo, you get so much more out of it! I noticed this when I read Swiss Family Robinson as a ten-year-old and then when I read it many years later, to my children! As a youngster, so much of the book was “over my head” and only after some years of experience, did I grasp the entire story! Now that I have a Kindle, I may go back and read some of those books like Alice in Wonderland, and Treasure Island, and see what I missed the first time around! Oh Yes, and Gulliver's Travels , which I later learned was a satire, and I would like to see if it is still “over my head”.

#5 Another Random thought!………..Some European countries have eating habits that differ from ours. For example, some do not transfer their fork from the left hand to the right hand after cutting off a morsel of food. That seems like a more efficient way of eating. So I decided to try that and, as I live alone, I would not be bothering anyone with this change…………….Tried it a few times………but, before I realized it, I had gone back to the American way! Hard to break a habit of 80 years. Plus, I did not really trust my left hand to go directly to my mouth and so was not entirely comfortable with the European method. (Now, their habit of driving on the WRONG side of the street, that is another matter entirely!)

English as a Second Language

A cousin of mine called the other night and we got to talking about our American language.  Bob is a retired teacher, and he knows about my interest in words.  We have that in common.  We were talking about words that have come into usage and other words that have gone out.  

 

Cell phones are new, and texting, as well as Blog, for that matter!  And app, what is that?  And now there are App stores, where I could buy apps if I knew what they were!  Running boards and rumble seats are no longer common.  As for phones, no one remembers when we had “party lines”.  Those were managed by the operator ringing long and short rings.  The phones rang at every home on any particular party line.  For example my ring might have been 2 longs and a short, while my neighbor had a short, a long and another short.  

 

What was fun, for us kids, was to wait till the neighbor answered her phone, and then we could pick up our “ear piece” and listen in on her conversation!   Everyone did it!  Also does anyone remember when we placed “person to person” calls when we called “long distance?”  And of course you did not call it unless it was an emergency of some sort.  Usually a death in the family. 

 

After talking to Bob, I got to thinking about our lingo and why it must be difficult for foreigners to deal with.  For one thing America, being the melting pot that it is, has a little bit of other languages thrown in with our English.  Many Indian and Spanish words are very much used.  When you throw in brogues, like Brooklynese, and Southern drawls, you really begin to have problems.

 

And then, have you ever thought of how many words sound the same, but mean entirely different things. Great-grate, hale-hail, bough-bow, etc.! Also, we can have several words for one item.

 

Some are spelled the same, but are pronounced differently.  "I read it, but I will read it again"!

I did get off the subject didn’t I?  My mind wanders a bit, or rather it gets to dwelling too long on one subject, language in this case!

 

Although, when I went to school, we had the strictest teachers regarding our enunciation that, for years, I would pronounce the “ing” and not shorten to “en” on words like something or nothing.  I have learned to relax a bit.  I have even learned to like slang.  Those same teachers drilled it into our heads that slang was the ruination of our language.  But, I ask you, how could you say “That child had me climbing the wall”, in a more colorful way?  Slang is a part of our language, like it or not. 

 

Here in the U.S.A. our language has changed and evolved, over a period of time.  So I ask you, is it just me or does everyone have this problem?  The other day I was watching a cooking show on TV.  The hostess of the show, a Chinese girl, had as her guest an English woman.  They both spoke perfect “King’s English” and I could hardly understand a word they were saying!  For the first time in my life it occurred to me that English is actually a foreign language!